Gwyneth Paltrow Determined to Shit a Five Pound Brick

By Michael April 03, 2014 @ 12:23 PM

Freshly uncoupled Gwyneth Paltrow wants to shit out an additional five pounds from her whey powder built frame. The Goop blogger and generally self-important succubus is reportedly using high colonics to poo out a few extra pounds. Now that she and her husband Coldplay are splitting up officially, she needs to go from slender to emaciated if she wants feel pretty again. Apparently, Gwyneth’s favorite weight loss method, (besides fasting on days ending in a ‘y’), is a regimen of high fiber shakes and enemas that flush your pipes like Drano. People close to the twatty ex-pat say that she’s prone to these kinds of crash crap diets and has even sold her own colon cleans on her Goop website. It’s hard to imagine Gwyneth possibly being more annoying, but adding uncontrollable shit runs down her legs thrice an hour certainly seems a contender for moving her up the ladder of heinousness. When she starts breathing fire and immolating Tokyo, we might need to revaluate her ranking again.

(1) Comment

  1. avatar
    zuzivumuf 04/03/2014 21:43

    I buy almost everything except food and clothing from online auctions most people aren’t aware of the almost unbelievable deals that they can get from online auction sites the site that has the best deals is

    I checked with the BBB and was told that it is all legit. How they can sell gift cards, laptops, cameras, and all kinds of goodies that we all want for 50-90% off, I don’t know I do know that I bought my son an ipad there for less than $100 and my husband a $250 Low gift
    cards for $48Why would I even think about shopping anyþlace else?

You must be to post a comment.