Heidi Klum Now Guarded by Son of Wolverine

When you know your super fresh older girlfriend left her husband for her bodyguard, you get kind of sensitive about the dude who follows her around 7×24 to make sure nobody steals her clutch with the lipstick and the strudel flavored condoms. Heidi’s young French boyfriend didn’t like her latest bodyguard which I take to mean he assumed there was a high probability of boning, so he insisted Heidi get this new short dude with the beard to shadow her at events. One issue the cougar ladies haven’t quite figured out yet is how to deal with the jealousy of young men. Men are annoying insecure bitches when young. It’s part of that whole alpha male procreative my sperm must win legacy. At some point, you get to the age where so long as you’re getting some, you don’t even hear your rich German girlfriend telling you she’s off to buy a cock ring and a Hitler mustache for her hunky bodyguard. Let him deal with her gluten-free diet and need for emotional attachments. You just want to watch the ball game in peace.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet