I’d Knock Up Federica Torti

I’ve spent time in Italy. Every girl looks like the kind of girl you’d be tempted to make babies with and every dude looks like some swarthy beast who’s just been banging one these girls between the sheets. It’s a nation that looks like a porn set. Somehow nobody is making babies. It’s got more people dying than being born, a negative population growth, leaving the rest of the world facing the grim future of having to go elsewhere for their canned plum tomatoes and wacky foreign game shows. Lots of analysts are blaming the crappy economy and lack of hope in the future on people deciding not to have kids. Those people have never been to every single third world nation where people breed like desperate rabbits after taking their morning dumps in the open shit canal running through the village. The Catholics are blaming contraception and abortion. I don’t know. I live in California where they’re passing out Smuckers flavored condoms to the kids and girls who haven’t had their first abortion by high school grad night are seen as developmentally retarded. Yet, there are live screaming babies everywhere. Chicks like Italian actress Federica Torti are coming to America just to get filled up with offspring. Or she might just be on vacation. You probably should inquire with her first before pulling down your shorts and raising your hand. But if she does call on you, just say politely, Italy has a problem and my cock is here to solve it. That can’t not work.

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