Jodie Foster Marries Ellen’s Ex

By Michael April 24, 2014 @ 12:38 PM

Jodie Foster got gay married to her girlfriend Alexandra Hedison one year after telling everybody at the Golden Globes that she was a lesbian. Sort of like Barry Bonds coming out and admitting he used performance enhancing drugs. I mean, you know, when he does. You’ll recall that Foster rambled incoherently at the awards ceremony about how she just wanted everyone to know she dug vagina. It was a half-assed speech that everybody gave lots of applause just because they had to by edict of presiding culture. Soon after, Jodie dumped the woman who she praised in her speech and started dating Alexandra Hedison over last summer in a whirlwind post-menopausal  romance. Hedison had previously dated Ellen Degeneres because you’re not really a lesbian in L.A. until you’ve had a taste of Ellen. The two middle-aged love birds got hitched in a private ceremony in Hollywood where as is tradition, a cross-dressing midget came out and started the countdown to Splitsville clock at fourteen months and eleven days. Ah, love. It just keeps you young.

(3) Comments

  1. avatar
    Beylerbey 04/24/2014 14:24

    I like how they actually start to resemble men after x number of years.

  2. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 04/24/2014 16:37

    Remember back when the whole idea of two chicks getting it on seemed hot?

    Yeah, me neither.

  3. avatar
    Trommel 04/25/2014 15:07

    They do resemble men after several years. Their features become more angular. Also, when they’re getting it on, their faces flush red around the cheek bones from too much estrogen being present. Yeah…it was way cool back in the 90s…now, when someone “comes out” on either the “Bundle of Sticks” or the “Beaver munching side”…it’s like, WHO CARES. Rainbows are great for everyone when you’re tripping, too. So…yeah, who cares. They just look at men like we did something wrong. I’m sorry girls, I was born this way. Please be open minded.

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