Jodie Foster Marries Ellen’s Ex

Jodie Foster got gay married to her girlfriend Alexandra Hedison one year after telling everybody at the Golden Globes that she was a lesbian. Sort of like Barry Bonds coming out and admitting he used performance enhancing drugs. I mean, you know, when he does. You’ll recall that Foster rambled incoherently at the awards ceremony about how she just wanted everyone to know she dug vagina. It was a half-assed speech that everybody gave lots of applause just because they had to by edict of presiding culture. Soon after, Jodie dumped the woman who she praised in her speech and started dating Alexandra Hedison over last summer in a whirlwind post-menopausal  romance. Hedison had previously dated Ellen Degeneres because you’re not really a lesbian in L.A. until you’ve had a taste of Ellen. The two middle-aged love birds got hitched in a private ceremony in Hollywood where as is tradition, a cross-dressing midget came out and started the countdown to Splitsville clock at fourteen months and eleven days. Ah, love. It just keeps you young.