Kendall Jenner Was the Best of Coachella

Ever since Tupac’ s hologram got turned off and everybody realized they had to go back to watching the still living shitty acts Coachella stages around their $8 bottled water concession booths, the Indie music and don’t forget arts festival has been running low on wow factor. You can only get away with so many Beyonce surprise guest appearance when she’s there every year. Surprise. Your grandma made an appearance at grandma’s house. A naked hologram of Beyonce would’ve been amazing, but nobody has the guts to piss off the corporate sponsors who become visibly moist at the thought of 100,000 college educated white ‘social influencers’ trapped in the desert. Whoever dresses the Kendall Jenner mannequin decided she could be a thing if only she had a distinctive look. So they borrowed Bruce Jenner’s cock ring which he mysteriously announced he no longer needed and hung it from Kendall’s right nostril like a Guernsey. The nose ring connected to her earring to form the international symbol of illiteracy. Kendall adored the attention though she did note the unusually low hanging hoop made completing the ‘must blow’ list her mom tucked into her front pocket that much more challenging.

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