Laura Prepon Snags Tom Cruise

By Lex April 18, 2014 @ 1:10 PM

Laura Prepon Looking Chesty At The Weinstein Company & Netflix's 2014 Golden Globes After Party In Los Angeles
When you’re dating Scientology, there’s no bigger catch than Tom Cruise. Forget the mock turtlenecks, the three divorces and the curiously produced offspring, Tom is the MVP of the descendants of Xenu and his intergalactic space armada. It’s like being the groupie chosen to go backstage after a Kenny G concert. It’s a get. And Laura Prepon done got it, including an invite as Tom’s date up to John Travolta’s house for a Cleansing Means I’m No Longer Gay dinner party. It’s like a David Geffen house party, only everybody there is only desperately thinking about sodomizing the male catering staff.. At 5’10″, Laura stands two feet taller than Tom Cruise who only through movie magic is able to hide his extreme dwarfism. But Tom’s always preferred the tall women as the dramatic height difference reminds him of his ultimate destiny to sneak undetected into the Castle of Bandau and release the Sleeping Warriors to seal victory for a bunch of self-loathing wealthy homosexuals on the down low in Hollywood. Laura Prepon, your ticket just got punched to take a spin on the Tom Cruise will fuck you up merry-go-round. See you in three years when Tom is helicoptering off with your inexplicably half-black baby child.

Photo Credit: Getty

(4) Comments

  1. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 04/18/2014 17:00

    Looks like Tom is swinging back around to a Mimi Rogers lookalike. The circle is complete.

  2. avatar
    Admiral 04/18/2014 19:48

    Is she the redhead from That 70′s Show? Either way, I’d give it to her. She wouldn’t even have to give it back. She can keep it.

  3. avatar
    bujawevu 04/19/2014 00:15

    I buy almost everything except food and clothing from online auctions most people aren’t aware of the almost unbelievable deals that they can get from online auction sites the site that has the best deals is

    I checked with the BBB and was told that it is all legit. How they can sell gift cards, laptops, cameras, and all kinds of goodies that we all want for 50-90% off, I don’t know I do know that I bought my son an ipad there for less than $100 and my husband a $250 Low gift
    cards for $48Why would I even think about shopping anyþlace else?

  4. avatar
    rdd 04/20/2014 21:18

    “Snags Tom Cruise”? I would think getting the weirdo Cruise would be more like a curse.

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