Tori Spelling Has the Consumption

A couple weeks ago Tori was seen at the jewelers maybe hocking some pieces. There were moving vans outside her place, no not the place where she left with rent due, the new place where she smiled and told the landlord ‘I’m a TV star, it’s not you need a security deposit’. Now she appears to be saving her lunch money, if not breakfast and dinner money as well. Damn, Tori, if only there was a way to make everything better in your life, slap some dough in your pocket, and make you feel like Donna Martin again. What about a reality show featuring the struggles of having four kids and a husband in rehab for fucking babies into Canadian groupies? Could it be, True Tori, Lifetime’s new genius documentary series featuring the final eighty pounds of Tori Spelling and how she’s going to handle trust issues with her husband who can’t control his twin desires of procreation and not working. With cameras rolling, Tori and the other actresses pretending to be her girlfriends are running errands around town and doing silly girl stuff like trying to get Tori to eat an entire grape before Jesus rises on Easter. I expect this latest reality show will be as wildly successful as the past few that have left her broke and anorexic and drunk dialing random Canadian roadside motels at four am demanding to speak to her husband.

Photo Credit: Splash