Donald Sterling Regrets Not Clamming His Hooker With Cash

Donald Sterling has been holed up in a lavish Four Seasons suite since he turned into the poster geezer for secretly recorded audio taped racism in the U.S.A. I don’t know what he’s been doing in racist virtual prison, but he looks like a million goddamn Just For Men dollars. In the latest edition of Du Jour magazine, a journal for really rich people who enjoy their martinis dry and their young ethnic prostitutes wet, The Other Donald laments his lack of foresight:

‘I wish I had just paid her off’

No shit, Sherlock, as the kids in middle school used to say before we punched them in their Lenscrafters. Donald Sterling’s a day late moment of clarity will have him paying his next Wee Pals whore to kick him in the bottom. Donald has been caught in the past short-changing his sucky sucky girls and now his crinkly old cock has come home to roost. Any original gangster can tell you, you’ve got to pay your lawyers and your ladies. You start fucking with the people who know all your dirty secrets and you will get burned. I learned that in a Drake song so it’s possible it’s bullshit.