Gluten Was Just Fucking With You

By Lex May 20, 2014 @ 10:20 AM

Gluten-Free-Products-in-the-Store

Looks like all you self-diagnosing medical trend hysterical pussies can start eating gluten again. The researcher who came out with that big study about how whatever the fuck gluten is was causing you to be fat/sick/pimply/gassy/boated/unhappy/flaccid/gay for sweaters did a follow up study and discovered, oops, he was wrong. Outside of the less than one percent of the population with celiac disease, gluten had zilch effect on the blind test subjects. Yet another example of how the primary purpose of science is to discount all the science that came before as basically ghetto. That doesn’t mean you disregard all current science like some Luddite who tamps his ass with a fir leaf after the shits. But maybe you go into your next phenomenon with a couple or three fewer exclamation points on your Facebook shares. ┬áThe gluten-free food business grew rapidly to $16 billion annually in the U.S.. Nabisco doesn’t give a fuck what’s good or not good for you, they just want you to buy their box. You want gluten-free crackers because you shit your pants at an important meeting, here’s your gluten-free crackers, now gimme two dollars. The new study indicates there’s probably still something in the processed wheat other than gluten which could be making the sensitive tubes crowd cramp up, but that still leaves a solid percentage of sufferers who have to be experiencing mostly psychosomatic symptoms brought on by 8,765 Yahoo! headlines. Similar to the hysteria that causes Catholic high school girls to experience false pregnancies after letting a boy touch them under their bras. Something to ponder while you eat your first piece of real bread in three years, vagina-spine.

wwtdd

(4) Comments

  1. avatar
    Shortshanks 05/20/2014 13:29

    Most things chicks bitch about are bullshit and fake……

  2. avatar
    KeyboardStories 05/20/2014 13:48

    Just have to say – that was brilliantly written.

  3. avatar
    Beylerbey 05/20/2014 16:26

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

  4. avatar
    ThisSiteIsGayPornography 05/21/2014 03:06

    I guess I am gay. I feel a lot better since I quit gluten 8 years ago. I miss pizza and good bread, but I dont miss the horrible stomach pain.

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