Gwyneth Paltrow Has Landed

By Lex May 06, 2014 @ 6:02 PM


If you’ve ever thought to yourself, boy, I’d like to be the most hated person in Hollywood, be past 40 with my husband leaving me because he can’t stand my primary traits of hovering and bitchery, and largely be perceived as a patronizing, arrogant, ex-pat, then goop is the place for you. It’s like Gwyneth Paltrow took a Better Homes and Garden picture perfect dump and you get to dive in with your spoon and become one with her essence. Goop’s all lower case titling is just the tip of the inane consumer felch fest that lies beyond the simple country doorway. It’s Gwyneth Paltrow’s version of Fat Oprah’s Shit I Love phenomenon. A merchandising orgy of handbags, balms, salves, accessories, self-help books, casual wear and candles made from eye of newt that Gwyneth marks up to a fare-thee-well to enhance the orgasmic tremors experienced by the women who shop there. It was formerly just online, but now in pop-up store format in the Brentwood Country Mart. Gwyneth has vowed to return to Los Angeles like the Lord Sith regrouping after temporary setback in battle. The store is only open until this weekend, after which it will self-immolate and an Ed Hardy store will appear miraculously in its place.

(5) Comments

  1. avatar
    Admiral 05/06/2014 18:16

    Isn’t “güp” German for some form of vaginal leakage?

  2. avatar
    miche the killer 05/07/2014 02:30

    that spam better show up about how you should “buy everything online” b/c this is the only time it will be useful. the most contrived p.o.s. caption from that link: “The tags on these $42 Nickey Kehoe napkins read: ‘This traditional Khadi textile takes its inspiration from Ghandi and his vision of rural self-reliance.’ Aww.”. I f’ing hate you.

  3. avatar
    Admiral 05/07/2014 13:40


  4. Lily Jon 05/07/2014 14:20

    Kennedy . I can see what your saying… Ernest `s c0mment is incredible… on thursday I bought themselves a audi from making $7108 this-last/five weeks and-even more than, $10,000 this past-month . with-out a doubt this is my favourite-job I have ever done . I began this five months/ago and almost straight away made at least $70, per-hr . find out here

  5. avatar
    Beylerbey 05/07/2014 22:12


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