Maya Angelou Was a Crappy Poet

By Lex May 28, 2014 @ 12:51 PM

Maya Angelou died today. She was perhaps the most famous shitty living poet in the U.S. Her overly sappy bits of strung together wistful feelings were like Little River Band lyrics, if Fat Oprah had ordered everybody to refer to Reminiscing as a work of sheer genius. Maya Angelou wrote like an unpolished freshman Lit major who just knew her words were meant to move people. Once everybody realized that Maya looked interesting and had a memorable delivery and that she was black, her insights into the beauty of the sun, and the sincerity of love, and the fact that time keeps on ticking ticking into the future were held in Emerson like regard. She quickly became a politically correct national treasure. You couldn’t have a graduation or Olympics or Presidential gala without Maya Angelou Captain Kirking some free verse ripped straight from the wisdom of a middle school girl who makes daisy necklaces and pencils hearts in her journal.

Beloveds, now we know that we know nothing, now that our bright and shining star can slip away from our fingertips like a puff of summer wind.

Without notice, our dear love can escape our doting embrace. Sing our songs among the stars and walk our dances across the face of the moon.

Maya wrote that for Michael Jackson upon his own death. The verses from Man in the Mirror are ten times as deep as that dribble. Her inauguration poem for Obama read like a Black History Month local TV station interstitial combined with a love letter to Our Lord and Savior. I have no ill personal feelings for Maya Angelou. Maybe in her private moments she too laughed at how seriously a white guilt ridden America accepted her crap as profound and gobbled up her ninety-seven autobiographies.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return

Thanks, Maya, you’ve raised the bar for Hallmark ‘Words of Wisdom’ category forever more.

Photo credit: Getty Images

(12) Comments

  1. avatar
    Zotmaster 05/28/2014 13:12

    Lex calling anyone else’s writing “unpolished” may be the funniest thing a writer for this site has written since Brendon left.

  2. Niles Laborde 05/28/2014 13:42

    I love the Little River Band, Still you are pretty much right on target.

  3. avatar
    BiebersStrapon 05/28/2014 13:51

    Maya’s dead anus puts out better material than Lex’s keyboard.

  4. avatar
    3000 05/28/2014 13:53

    “Drivel”, genius.

  5. avatar
    Shastar 05/28/2014 13:55

    My friends list on the books of face is in super mourning mode because EVERYONE feels that this is a national tragedy and blah blah blah. Me, I couldn’t care less. Irony of Lex’s pot calling the kettle black aside, he got it right: Angelou was a hack. She was a schmaltz factory with a good hype machine, and the only reason I was surprised earlier today when i read the news was because I thought she was already dead.

  6. avatar
    Maybe_Observer 05/28/2014 15:16

    Interesting….no tits in this article either….

  7. Elliott J. Lawrence 05/28/2014 16:16

    Yeah, so Dr. Angelou read an inaugural poem for Bill Clinton, not Obama. As a matter of fact, she was a staunch supporter of Hillary Clinton in the 2008 election. You lose, thanks for playing.

  8. Pesley H Booden 05/28/2014 16:29

    Thank you for stating what so many of us are already thinking! She was a pathetic poet. Her only real accomplishment was to be black.

  9. avatar
    solomonthewise1 05/28/2014 21:06

    Sometimes brilliance is lost on the ignorant. I love this website and get the ‘dry humor trying to be extreme bit’, but this is probably the dumbest thing I have read in a while…. at any level of writing. “BeibersStrapon” said it perfectly.

    Pesley you aren’t very bright either. I don’t know what race has to do with her poetry, she made a name for herself in a time where you had to be exceptional as a black person to be treated as an equal.

  10. avatar
    Beylerbey 05/28/2014 21:47

    Nonsense. Angelou owes her accolades and wealth largely to the fact that blacks are extremely fashionable to certain people. We have a president who owes both his terms to the white guilt vote, for chrissake.

  11. Elliott J. Lawrence 05/29/2014 01:26

    Ladies and gentlemen, the role of Dinesh D’souza will now be played by beylerbey

  12. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 05/29/2014 20:07

    And the role of Al Sharpton will be played by Elliot J. Lawrence…

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