Everybody bitches about aging, but most ignore the dramatic impact of watching the masturbation fantasies of your youth inevitably transforming into your great aunt Marjorie. When Pam Anderson was in Playboy, I was there with her. Baywatch, I wrapped myself in the Canadian Flag and hummed a tune. When I saw how she treated Tommy Lee on tape, I thought to myself, man, I could be happy being married to her vagina. But the more time that passes, the clearer the need for some kind of Logan’s Run solution for blond bombshells. I don’t want to ever have to see Kate Upton climbing over her own muffin top to reach the incontinent adult diapers at the supermarket. I’m not saying we zap all these women from existence by age 30. That totally ignores the impact of modern day nutrition and exercise regimens in delaying the aging process. 35 seems more appropriate. Thank you for your service, here’s a medal, now if you could please stand here on this red X on look at the picture of the cute puppies on the wall.
Photo Credit: Splash, AKM-GSI