Say what you want about Godzilla’s ability to level a CGI model city with his sheer bulk, he’s got nothing on Tori Spelling’s ability to make you shit your pants and choose flight over fight. In the promo for her reality show, Tori Has a Fucking Frightful Fish Face, Tori tears into her sobbing Canadian cracker husband for being a cheating substance abusing bastard. Not at all like the married man she started banging when she was also married so they could start populating the planet with their retarded bearded fish spawn. The shrieking shrunken apple head face on Tori will compel your man junk to shrivel up inside your thoracic cavity with no guarantee of return. It almost makes you want to excuse her husband for ditching her and fucking around. Let’s see, do I want a hummer in a hotel room with a random chick who thinks I’m the shit, or release the fucking house kraken and pray she doesn’t find me in the cabinet beneath the kitchen sink. But, no, his asshole readings are off the charts. Four kids into this and no job and that kraken is all you, dipshit.
Photo credit: Fame Flynet