Bulletproof Your Kids, Now! (VIDEO)

By Lex June 13, 2014 @ 3:35 PM

For every tragedy, there is somebody standing by with a solution for just under a thousand dollars. School shootings are a big time media and cable event. There are over fifty million kids in K-12 school in the U.S., on average over the past fifteen years, ten a year might die in a school shooting. It’s highly unlikely to happen to your child, as horrific as the thought. Many multiples of that number will die from other preventable causes such as car accidents on the way to school, drinking and drugs, and playground accidents. Monkey bars and jungle gyms kill more each year than psychotic shooters. 17,000 kids visited emergency rooms last year due to school bus related injuries.

The devastation of Sandy Hook was massive, accounting for almost all of the elementary school shooting deaths we’ve ever had. Though that hasn’t stopped the makers of Body ¬†Guard from developing bullet proof shields for your little kids. If you don’t watch this commercial and buy one right now, you might as start digging your child’s grave. Just look at how a school shooting can ruin your son or daughter’s otherwise peaceful day at elementary school. The Body Guard people are pretending you can also use these body shields in case of tornado, but that’s even more statistically unlikely to happen to your child than a school shooting. When the next disassociated teen with a gun and vengeance on his mind comes to school, you don’t want your kids to be without their giant protective bullet proof blanket. Also, you should probably pen a note to the killer to please not lift the blanket off your kid, rendering it completely useless. Buy now!

wwtdd

(3) Comments

  1. avatar
    BiebersStrapon 06/13/2014 15:43

    I can’t wait for an English translation of this post.

  2. avatar
    Beylerbey 06/13/2014 20:08

    An AK-47 round will go right through a kevlar vest without the SAPI plates. Little Kayden ain’t gonna be humping those to school.

    People will never fully appreciate that 1st world nations are little bubbles of peace in an incredibly brutal and violent world, and even that is starting to slip.

  3. avatar
    Johnny Big Rig 06/13/2014 23:45

    There was like a 3second mention of crazed gunmen and about 2 minutes talking about tornadoes. I think Lex was stretching for something to bitch about today.

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