Casey Kasem Made His Bed Now He’s Getting Bed Sores In It

There’s nothing wrong with being a 50-year old guy marrying a big buxom blond squeeze half your age. That’s why you became rich and famous and supported no fault divorces in the first place. But you’re still subject to the natural laws of man. Once you get past shtupping age, that same once upon trophy wife is going to be running your shit when you’re old and ailing. At some point, even the most ardent cocksman needs to think survival mode and find himself a frumpy significant other who is caring and selfless and not currently being treated for psychosis. You don’t want to wind up like Casey Kasem with dementia and bed sores being stashed away from your children by a crazy wigged thug with trucker arms misquoting biblical verses and tossing a pound of ground round at your daughter who’s come to rescue you:

“In the name of King David, I threw a piece of raw meat into the street in exchange for my husband to the wild rabid dogs” — Jean Kasem to Casey’s daughter and paramedics who came to take Casey to the hospital

I got ten people on my block at any given time misquoting the bible aloud, but the throwing of the meat, that’s impressively crazy. You know who doesn’t throw raw meat? Kindly old Jessica Tandy or Anne B. Davis before she died. That song about marrying an ugly girl if you want to be happy for the rest of your life is utter bullshit. Until your 70, then I’d pay close attention.

Photo Credit: Getty