Emily Ratajkowski Topless Dirty in GQ

I know the Internet has changed the definition of famous. Those guys at TMZ and CW with that inane let’s make a random family of whores famous reality show taught me so. Just a short while ago, Emily Ratajkowski was an unknown TV show extra and aspiring model. She shows off her sensational tits in a couple photoshoots, appears a boatload of times on Egotastic and some Tumblr sites, and now she’s into major magazines, including the cover of GQ magazine. GQ isn’t just any magazine, it’s the periodical that taught me how important time pieces are to my accessories checklist. This is big shit. They even brought out the special tit covering sand for the occasion. The sand doesn’t actually cover the nipples, it covers the spot where they airbrush out the nipples to make it look more realistic. Because Americans can’t handle nipples. That’s one legitimate putdown we have to somehow shake if we’re ever to make Europe cower in the hallways as we pass like the old days.

Photo Credit: GQ