It’d take a man with big fucking nuts to call soccer boring in the middle of the month every four years when it’s slightly less boring. I am that big nutted man. Sure, there’s the corruption, the lousy refereeing, the neo-Nazi protestors, the half-standing stadiums built in the jungle, and the dude on the Uruguay team who keeps biting opponents, but I just watched a 0-0 game and I’m feeling like sticking to boring. This sport needs more Hope Solo. You need a tall chick to keep goal, she does that. Need somebody to water their lawn naked or get wasted and start throwing punches at her sister and teen nephew, that’s Hope Solo too. Her steroid crazed husband has yet to beat the feisty out of her. Consider it a race for one of them to end up lifeless with a pipe to the cranium. Bet on Hope. She doesn’t lose many races.
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