Look Out Nigerian Islamic Militia, Here Comes Chris Brown’s Ex-Girlfriend

I don’t care how strong your combined faith in Islam and the enslavement of teenaged girls, when Karreuche Tran and her equally wide open schedule celebrity friends get decked out for a fundraiser, it’s time to put down your Qurans and your rape sticks and start paying attention. Tyrese rolled up to the party at the 1Oak nightclub in his $750,000 Rolls Royce minivan wearing a gorgeous white tux. Hollywood does not fuck around, you Nigerian rebel scum. Karreuche and I think the girl who was the replacement left of center square on one of the rebooted editions of Hollywood Squares routinely checked their Twitter feeds for signs of militia group surrender and return of the girls. There was still no word by the time the open bar switched to cash so everybody decided to call it a night and hand it off the military surveillance drones. #BringBackOurGirls. It’s not just a slogan, it’s a hashtag, motherfuckers. You’re already dead and you don’t even know it.

Photo credit: Pacific Coast News