Chris Brown was let out of jail after serving eleven minutes of his one year sentence due to prison overcrowding and a tacit understanding that the world is just more fun when Chris Brown is out there throwing punches. Chris thanked God and his lawyers and said he was getting back to his fans and the music, which is code for weed and ordering his bodyguards to beat up strangers. Across the country in New York, Rihanna instinctively had her tits on display to serve as a beacon for Chris’ sexually charged driving directions app. The two will mate and produce a cluster of fertilized eggs Rihanna will lay deep beneath the nightclub where Chris first asked her to be his top bitch. This apocalyptic prophecy is all written down in Chris and Rihanna’s songs, if anybody would just be willing to listen.
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