Slender Man Made Me Do It


When I was a kid, we didn't have any of this fancy mind-altering Internet shit to blame. We barely had books. Nobody would ever accept the fact a kid did something delinquent because he read a novel. I stole them silver pieces to feed me mum, just like I read in Dickens. There was no cable news exasperation or social outrage or Facebook sycophancy. When kids did bad stuff, they got whacked then everybody quietly blamed the parents. And we were happy. Now a couple 12-year olds in Wisconsin got tired of doing all there is to do in Wisconsin, which you can pretty much do by 8, and decided on a ritualistic stabbing of a third middle school girl in the woods. They stabbed their victim nineteen times and left her to die. She somehow survived the brutal attack, crawled out to the street, and was found by a cyclist who first complained that now even girls with stab wounds were using the bicycle lanes, then called for help. The crazy stabbing scamps were promptly arrested and quickly blamed their blood ritualistic sacrifice on the 'Slender Man', an iconographic horror figure of modern creepy website fame. If you dig the macabre online, you've heard of the Slender Man. He's like the Where's Waldo of gothic fan fiction. The girls claimed they were directed by the Slender Man to carry out the bloodletting. Of course, Slender Man forgot to tell the other few million who've come across his tales online to kill their seventh grade classmate. I guess these girls were special. Naturally, many have turned their wrath upon the horror and goth fiction fan sites for being an accomplice. Blaming authors, rock musicians, and creepy men who perform as party clowns is easier than imagining two young girls just happened to be junior league sociopathic nutjobs. These girls could probably use a severe whacking while everybody quietly blames their parents. There's no school like the old school.