Brazil Returns to Normal

July 9, 2014 | WTF | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

Big soccer tournaments can grip an entire nation like Brazil. For almost the entire past month the country has been on literal pause. After being decimated by the German Industrial Complex in the World Cup semi-finals today, Brazilians can now return to their routine pursuits of kidnapping tourists, stripping copper wire from buildings, and finding hot twelve year old girls to sell abroad. Certainly, the quickly constructed stadiums and roads will be a bitter reminder of their defeat in the tournament, but they should all crumble under the weight of their own shoddy construction within a few months time. The ruins will serve the street urchins as a hiding place from shopkeepers hunting them with rifles. Life will quickly get back to normal. Normal is good. Not so much in Brazil, just in general.

This seems like a lot of tears from the Brazilian fullback. I don’t speak fluent Portuguese, but he’s saying something along the lines of, I’m sorry for the loss and I hope that after all my living relatives and I are burned alive in the bookmaker’s storage closet the phrase ‘don’t be such a fucking Luiz’ will not be used to mock stupid or lazy Brazilian children.