Bull Gores Nerd, Nobody Cares

July 10, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston | 0 Comments

American Bill Hillmann was hospitalized after being gored by a bull during the annual celebration of maliciously taunting big dumb animals in Pamplona, Spain. Hillmann is a self proclaimed expert and author on running with the bulls. He thinks of himself as a modern day Hemingway. The only difference is that Hemingway would have been wolfing down a breakfast burrito in a cafe at a safe distance and snorted at Hillmann being carted bloody off the street. When it comes to inherently dangerous local customs, I want my experts to be local themselves. A Spanish guy who stocks knitwear at the Madrid Forever 21 beats a pasty writer from Chicago who frequents poetry slams and drinks Stella. Hillmann suffered a nasty seven inch gash on his leg which I’m certain will be the subject of his next expert tome. If you’ve ever witnessed the running of the bulls, you know it’s impossible not to root for the bulls to gore the living shit out of the drunk dummies with the red handkerchiefs. Fighting a grizzly bear with a pocket knife is sport; cinching the testicles on bovine then stampeding them dumbly through city streets is sheer spectacle. Fuck, now I sound like PETA. Damn you, Bill Hilmmann. I hope you get tetanus.

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