I take back all that shit I said about the ESPYs being more sucky than Lindsay Lohan at a cocaine prize package glory hole. Fuck, that was a reach. Chrissy Teigen's boobs make everything interesting. I think she knows that too. Her drunken rants on Twitter are mildly amusing, but her tits without a bra are the world's best house party. Even Colin Kaepernick etching the Vagina Monologues logo into his head couldn't shake my gaze. I wish the still alive one from Kriss Kross were here to sing me out.
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