When your name is Tom and you’re a failed twenty-one year old Austrian boy band singer, why not tranny up, call yourself Conchita, and ride the tidal wave of gay acceptance across the continent. If Madonna had been born a boy, I guarantee she would’ve figured this same bit of marketing genius out. Conchita’s music is truly fucking awful, but this hairy she-man won the Eurovision contest for best horrible song in Europe for a uniquely banal power ballad and for being a dude in heels and a dress with a neatly groomed Ben Affleck beard. Seventy years ago, central Europe hailed the pure-bred Aryans. Now they’re exalting gender bending. Austrian Tom is going to make a small fortune by being the LGBT poster child for bearded ladies. I don’t know if his gay rights shtick is real or not. I do know it’s fucking genius.
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