Islamists Whacking Off Girl Clits Again

By Lex July 25, 2014 @ 11:12 AM


Hey, Akram, you just sacked Mosul, what are you going to do next?
I’m slicing off Iraqi girl clits. Okay, yes, at Disneyworld.

Islamic radicals seem really into desecrating, beating, and mutilating women. It’s a weird obsession seen more commonly in ritualistic serial killers profiled on Dateline NBC specials.

According to reports, those new ISIS Islamists taking over Iraq have ordered that all Iraqi women between the ages of 11 and 46 report to the nearest Mosul Starbucks for genital mutilation. If you’re 47 or over, you’re grandmothered into your clit. Congratulations. Though you’re still not allowed to have sex or touch yourself without sentence of death for seven lifetimes. Many on the ground are claiming this ‘fatwa’ from ISIS might be a hoax planted in the media as Islamic Fundamentalists don’t typically practice Female Genital Mutilation, preferring to stick with the old standards of Honor Killings, Tire Burnings, Stonings, and giddily sending four-year old girls off to be deflowered on their wedding nights. Either way, the women under their regime are not being gifted dildos and pirated Adrien Zmed VHS tapes and told to flick it old school.

Just because women in Iraq are having their feet chopped off for being caught in open toed sandals doesn’t mean American women should shut the hell up about how sexy shoe ads in US Weekly are barbaric. But they should certainly consider that option.

Photo credit: Getty Images

(5) Comments

  1. avatar 07/25/2014 12:32

    ZIonist propaganda.

  2. avatar
    Admiral 07/25/2014 14:16

    I wouldn’t be surprised if this were true. ISIS (pronounced Moo-ha-mad-iz-ah-dik-hed) has been on a mutilation rampage these past weeks. Obama is out golfing and adopting South America as the 51st state through executive action.

  3. avatar
    miche the killer 07/25/2014 14:52

    This post makes me feel all racist inside. And especially b/c, if anything, it’s a feasible rumor…

  4. avatar
    Maybe_Observer 07/25/2014 15:35

    Well….if they’re not using their clits….will they miss ‘em?

  5. avatar
    BillyMitchellisaGoldenGod 07/25/2014 17:34

    Yeah but what about the crusades. huh?

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