Kid Rock’s Dildo Subpoenaed

Insane Clown Posse’s record label is being sued by a former female employee and the evidence in the case includes a glass dildo owned by Kid Rock. Andrea Pellegrini claims she was sexually harassed by some guy who worked at the label named Dirty Dan Diamond. Dirty Dan found out Andrea had broken up with her boyfriend so he gave her a glass dildo because that move has a tremendous success rate over time. When she refused the glass shlong, he gave it to Kid Rock because Kid Rock is always an afterthought. The dildo is now being subpoenaed for the case so prosecutors can wave it dramatically in front of the postal workers and retired teachers and Honduran unaccompanied minors who comprise our jury pools. Given its connection to the ICP organization the dildo is probably covered with enough rapey bodily fluids to re-open dozens of cold cases. Unless of course it’s been corrupted by Kid Rock’s saliva. Everybody is publicly rooting for Andrea to win her legal case while secretly acknowledging that women who work for the Insane Clown Posse deserve to be molested.

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