Kim Kardashian Accused of Being Unfaithful! Perish the Thought

Here’s a good way to look guilty. Have your legal team flame your accuser with a scathing letter leaked to the public. Attorney Marty Singer has built his Hollywood reputation on quick-constructing Brazilian stadium walls around celebrities during times of scandal. Real scandal, perceived scandal, Schwarzenegger and Sheen scandal, it doesn’t matter. Kim Kardashian is his latest protectorate. She’s got some cash and a whole jelly jar full of smearables. Like Andrey Hicks who wrote an email to Perez Hilton claiming he plowed the fecund meadow that is Kim Kardashian when the two were in Monaco together with his then buddy Kris Humphries prior to their big fake 2011 E! wedding. Even though Hicks is currently in prison for swindling his hedge fund clients, people might assume he’s telling the truth because people might assume any guy who spent time with Kim has had sex with her.

Kim’s attorney fired off a nasty letter to Andrey in prison calling him a convicted thief, questioning his math grades at Harvard, and stating that Kim never had sex with his very mediocre sized dick that curves slightly to the right but has a cute little almost heart shaped birthmark on it that Kim thought was sweet. I guess the legal team could’ve done nothing and nobody would’ve cared. But Kim is a thrice married woman and honor is at stake. Though I’m pretty sure that’s Hicks’ honor. Of all the prison house confessions to make, I probably would’ve let this one go. I imagine ‘let’s go ass rape the dude who had sex with Kim Kardashian’ is one of the Family Feud top answers to things overheard in Andrey Hicks prison block.

(Note: the original story of Hicks’ email to Perez is now mysteriously deleted. I assume this post will suddenly go missing as well. Maybe me too. And North Dakota. And everybody who ever knew me. Keep your eyes to the North. Winter is coming)

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet