Kim Kardashian Accused of Being Unfaithful! Perish the Thought

By Lex July 10, 2014 @ 9:39 AM

Kim Kardashian Sits Next To Valentino Garavani At The Valentino Show During Paris Fashion Week
Here’s a good way to look guilty. Have your legal team flame your accuser with a scathing letter leaked to the public. Attorney Marty Singer has built his Hollywood reputation on quick-constructing Brazilian stadium walls around celebrities during times of scandal. Real scandal, perceived scandal, Schwarzenegger and Sheen scandal, it doesn’t matter. Kim Kardashian is his latest protectorate. She’s got some cash and a whole jelly jar full of smearables. Like Andrey Hicks who wrote an email to Perez Hilton claiming he plowed the fecund meadow that is Kim Kardashian when the two were in Monaco together with his then buddy Kris Humphries prior to their big fake 2011 E! wedding. Even though Hicks is currently in prison for swindling his hedge fund clients, people might assume he’s telling the truth because people might assume any guy who spent time with Kim has had sex with her.

Kim’s attorney fired off a nasty letter to Andrey in prison calling him a convicted thief, questioning his math grades at Harvard, and stating that Kim never had sex with his very mediocre sized dick that curves slightly to the right but has a cute little almost heart shaped birthmark on it that Kim thought was sweet. I guess the legal team could’ve done nothing and nobody would’ve cared. But Kim is a thrice married woman and honor is at stake. Though I’m pretty sure that’s Hicks’ honor. Of all the prison house confessions to make, I probably would’ve let this one go. I imagine ‘let’s go ass rape the dude who had sex with Kim Kardashian’ is one of the Family Feud top answers to things overheard in Andrey Hicks prison block.

(Note: the original story of Hicks’ email to Perez is now mysteriously deleted. I assume this post will suddenly go missing as well. Maybe me too. And North Dakota. And everybody who ever knew me. Keep your eyes to the North. Winter is coming)

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet

(4) Comments

  1. avatar
    BiebersStrapon 07/10/2014 11:21

    The day you disappear is the day I start believing in God, Lex.

  2. avatar
    Buford 07/10/2014 16:03

    A more appropriate title for this article would be, 120 pound skin cancer has been found on Kim Kardashham’s arm.

  3. avatar
    Mud Nugget 07/10/2014 19:33

    Cow hide tanning

  4. avatar
    lindaonkingsroad 07/11/2014 21:45

    Did anyone see the video of this useless cow in her blue dress with her plastic funbags hanging out, being trailed by an army of handlers who held umbrellas over the precious queen’s head and some woman who “adjusted” her too tight dress as she walked?? I swear, the world has sunk to a new, all-time low when a nothing like this woman has that much money for doing absolute NOTHING!!! It makes me feel slightly murderous!

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