Lady Gaga Is Our Last Hope (VIDEO)

California has a water crisis of galactic proportions. According to the crony packed state boards, it’s because the statue of the boy peeing in my backyard is wasting water. Here’s a hint, water Nazis, that’s not a statue, that’s a real boy. Yes, David Geffen, I have one too. The big on rules people don’t want us to flush our piss or wash our cars or water our lawns. They paid somebody’s brother-in-law to invent a catchy new drought slogan: Brown is the New Green. First I thought it was a call to not flush our shits any more either. But then I realized it was just a stunningly clever word play to let our lawns die so we can replace them with sod that takes a huge amount of water to maintain.

Rather than build California’s first water storage facility in over forty years or cease coddling baby fish by dumping precious reservoir water into the Pacific, the seventeen different water agencies combined into one mega-bureaucrat and asked Lady Gaga to record a seventeen second PSA. When you’re in crisis mode, you want Lady Gaga on the bridge.

“We’re thrilled Lady Gaga has joined the effort to Save Our Water. Conservation has always been a Californian value, but in this drought regular conservation isn’t enough — we must take extraordinary measures to save water.”
— Mark Cowin, director of the California Department of Water Resources

And, by extraordinary measures, he means not bothering the commercial agri-businesses who use 80%  of the water in the state. Also, asking people to listen to Lady Gaga’s voice without feeling the need to drown yourself in a tub, which is absolutely horrible for water conservation. At least until you start decomposing and turn a muted brown. Then you’re the new green and your name shall be heralded in song by people apologizing to trees for the invention of the combustion engine.