Lindsay Lohan Is Moving to Europe Because the Floors Are Softer

By Lex July 15, 2014 @ 9:15 AM

Lindsay Lohan Falls At The Ischia Film Festival In Italy
Lindsay Lohan announced she’s moving to London because they don’t have TMZ on TV there, just thoughtful news and music programming.

“It feels really good to be able to turn on the TV and not see everything be about gossip.”

I take this to mean she hasn’t figured out how to change the channel yet on her hotel room remote. Like so many not so super intelligent ex-pat celebrities running from bad reputations, Lindsay has been drawn to the European sensibilities concerning privacy and personal space. Lindsay was expounding on such in Italy when she took a dive on the red carpet and was surrounded by thousands of cameraman trying to get pictures of her urine soaked panties. It was at that low moment Lindsay realized the pointless effort to out-run her demons and decided to finally face the childhood trauma that led her to such a fallen place. Just kidding about that last part. But not the part about the urine soaked panties.

Photo Credit:, FameFlynet

(5) Comments

  1. avatar
    658811 07/15/2014 14:13

    She’ll regret not doing her research… English tabloids tend to be more vicious than the murrican counterpart. Classic Lindsey thinking.

  2. avatar
    Al Bundy 07/15/2014 14:45

    Yeah, I immediately thought the same thing.

    Many Brit celebrities have moved to the U.S. to get away from the U.K. papparazzi.

  3. avatar
    Beylerbey 07/15/2014 17:49


    After every half-assed statement Lindsay should look in the camera and say “This ‘thought’ brought to you by Cocaineā„¢”

  4. avatar
    Mud Nugget 07/16/2014 12:31

    They’re gonna have loads of fun with her

  5. avatar
    Art Vandelay 07/18/2014 07:53

    I guess it’s our punishment for sending Piers Morgan over the pond.

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