Maria Menounos Has Ass Will Travel

Maria Menounos celebrated her new show that will be exactly like her old show by wearing a skintight skirt in front of TV critics at the NBCUniversal gig. My thoughtful assessment of Maria’s new show is that I’d like to take Maria over my knee and spank the collagen in her ass until I’ve reshaped it into the spitting image of Woodrow Wilson.

I’m equally excited to join a team of hosts and producers that are amongst the finest in our industry — Maria Menounos in her moving publicity statement.

That sounded pretty swank until I realized her new gossip magazine show is on E!. So I think she forgot the part about joining a team of anorexics and vile hags who hate Chelsea Handler for fucking her way into the best gig at E!. Still, a job is a job. If Maria isn’t soon asking Kelly Osbourne to fat cry on camera while talking about entering rehab for the sixth time, may I lose my eyesight and never see Maria’s ass again. Predictions without stakes are just guesses.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, Getty