Mikaela Hoover Is Promo Worthy

I typically don’t bow to the pressure of persistently annoying media reps pushing their clients. But when it comes to women I’d sit through a Tyler Perry movie with in order to get to second base, principles mean little. This is how God ensured even immature assholes make babies.

Mikaela Hoover plays Glenn Close’s character’s assistant in Guardians of the Galaxy. I’m told by her reps she’s huge and getting huger. She certainly has nice legs. I was going to say tits, but I am a gentleman. Mikaela’s famously known Nathan Fillion in a conjugal manner. I’ve never wanted to rub a man’s chest and giggle before, but if I did, it’d be Captain Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly. When I inevitably make sweet submissive leather clad ball gag love to Mikaela, Captain Reynolds and I will become Eskimo brothers. Then I just need to drown Justin Bieber in a shallow puddle that dries up before CSI arrives leaving a murder mystery and my bucket list is complete. I feel cheap now, but also free.

Photo Credit: Getty, Splash