Miley Cyrus Isn’t Dead Yet

A Miley Cyrus death hoax over the weekend spread unchecked through the camp of people who have exit bags laid out to suffocate themselves to oblivion should anything happen to Miley Cyrus. Just check out fan Lauren. The mere possibility of Miley’s tragic death forced her to spell out almost half her words. And Natalie nearly swallowed her retainer while teeing Lauren up with exasperated segues. That shit’s not funny, hoaxsters. These are real girls with real respiratory problems that keep them indoors.

Naturally, people are somewhat inclined to believe a MILEY CYRUS DEAD FROM DRUG OVERDOSE social media headline more than MILEY CYRUS SUCCESSFULLY NAMES ELEVEN STATES. The entire hoax was run by one of those spam survey sites that asks you how old you are and then says you ranked in the top 98% of respondents so you win a RV. Don’t give them your credit card number or your bank account will be used to buy more missiles to lob at Tel Aviv. This world is now way too small.