Robert Kennedy Set A New Standard For Cheating

Before she committed suicide, RFK Jr’s wife gave her friend lists of her husband’s mistresses. Kennedy apparently had a psychotic obsession with putting up pussy kill numbers. His wife found 43 numbers in his phone under the category of G, which she figured stood for goomah, meaning mistress in Italian. Of course, it could’ve just been G for Girls I’ve Fucked or God Damn I’ve Boned a Lot of Chicks. Kennedy rubbed his cheating in her face by keeping detailed spreadsheets of who he was banging and assigned numbers next to women’s names based on how far he had gone with them, with 1 being anal and 10 being parading their severed heads around on a stick covered with his jizz. Kennedy also developed some detached serial killer slang when referring to his conquests. When he fucked someone while out running errands, Kennedy wrote:

“Got mugged on my way home”

Kennedy is now engaged to Cheryl Hines, because if you have Kennedy money, actresses approaching fifty will marry you no matter how much of your psychotic behavior is part of the public record. I’m already looking forward to Cheryl’s tearful interview in 2016 where she says Robert told her all the rumors were complete garbage and she believed him because he buys carbon neutral offsets. Hopefully she fares better than his last wife.

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