Tulisa Contostavlos Punched a Blogger

By Lex July 28, 2014 @ 1:59 PM

Tulisa Contostavlos Makes A Statement After Being Found Guilty At Stratford Magistrates' Court
Can we all agree that bloggers deserve special treatment like people in Corvettes with blue placards or Congressmen or really good looking women in low cut tops? Freedom of speech starts and stops with pasty pale white chubby sedentary men with pistachio addictions. X-Factor judge Tulisa Contostavlos punched one in the face at a music festival because he posted her blow job sex tape on his blog for a couple hours before he got scared off by her attorneys. She said it was very hurtful to her by which I think she means she wasn’t particularly good at oral sex. I’ve seen it. She’s no Paris Hilton in oral excellence. She’s not even my Senior Prom date. Tulisa recently skated on a drug felony charge when one of the British newspapers tried to set her up in a cocaine buy because I guess there was no soccer going on and they had nothing else to write about. Those charges were thrown out by a judge, but not the blogger punching case for which she now must compensate the blogger the hefty sum of $150 for the mental anguish of being beat up by a girl.

Tulisa dressed like a 19th century diplomat for her verdict. After the case was concluded, she felt the need to issue a statement in front of the courthouse about her journey, and the burden of being in the spotlight, and perseverance, and faith in her innocence, you know, even though she was found guilty. The good news is she’s not going to let any of this crap get in her way of being the very best X-Factor judge she can be. The world needs that now more than ever.

You can download the sex tape HERE, if you’re up for that Internet rabbit hole.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

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(6) Comments

  1. avatar
    Al Bundy 07/28/2014 17:13

    Well she certainly has the mouth to give blowjobs.

  2. avatar
  3. avatar
    Beylerbey 07/28/2014 19:29

    It looks like it’s about to melt.

  4. avatar
    Admiral 07/28/2014 20:02

    What happened to her? She looks like she took one to the face.

  5. avatar
    Roadshitter6.5 07/28/2014 21:28

    How does that face keep a dick hard long enough to make it to the mouth?

  6. avatar
    Maybe_Observer 07/29/2014 08:02

    Thanks, Al…

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