My dad told me once, don't ever fucking steal. But on the off chance you find yourself needing to, don't steal anything stupid. Only habitual drinkers come up with such genius conjunctions. Though he's right. I got busted as a kid for swiping a pack of Bubble Yum and that became my nickname for the next year at school. You don't want to be called Bubble Yum. You want to be called Mustang GTO or even the Mona Lisa. WWE Diva Emma, real name, I don't know, I guess it's still Emma, got busted shoplifting a $20 iPad case from Walmart. Her lawyer says it was all a big misunderstanding due to those annoying fucking self-check out lines designed to frustrate customers into violence and encourage shoplifting. She got community service and then the WWE fired her, so the big misunderstanding defense failed yet again. That's now zero for forever for that savvy legal strategy.
Photo Credit: Hartford Police, www.officially-emma.com