Zayn Malik Might Be Married

July 17, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston | 0 Comments

One Direction’s Zayn Malik created chaos among his prepubescent legion of Forever 21 shoppers by posting a photo of himself wearing a wedding ring. Malik’s spokesperson said the ring is  merely an engagement ring and requested that only girls with gross deformities who Mailk would likely never fuck throw themselves out of windows in despair. I’m not sure how anyone even noticed a simple band amid his earrings, chains, and knockoff Ed Hardy ink.

I don’t think his female fans have much to worry about. Their best chance at a post show honey wagon blowjob will likely come after he ties the knot or once his career trajectory plummets into the ground after his balls drop. My Celebrity Gay Pool probably just took a solid hit, though I’m holding out hope Zayn’s fellow harmonizers rape him one night after a particularly awesome show in Gstaad. If your Gay Pool doesn’t include forced sex, you need to change leagues.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

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