For as long as Kate Upton’s been upset about being seen as a sex object, she’s been modeling in showy things. I went down to the small shop where the old Chinese guy lectures visitors about mogwais and bought some photos of Kate Upton modeling when she was just fifteen. It’s kind of crass to stare at Kate Upton from before she had the mighty tits of Athena, but it’s a solid reminder that even before the big boobs I never had a shot at a girl like Kate. She’d say she loves the guy who makes her laugh or knows how to castle properly in Chess, but even then she was dating the high school version of Justin Verlander. It’s cool. If I looked like Kate Upton, I’d only wrap my legs around Cy Young Award and Oscar winners too. But I don’t. So any girl with a GED equivalent and most of her teeth is my Match.com baseline. Fuck, I did poorly in high school.
Photo Credit: Coleman-Rayner