Katherine Heigl Too Good To Be Hired

In a pretentious new interview, Katherine Heigl says she left Hollywood for Utah because she wanted her family of adopted international babies to come first. Her explanation is in slight contrast to what everybody else in Hollywood believes is Heigl taking flight after she became too cloyingly difficult and not young and hot enough to be worth casting any longer.

Heigl casts herself a domestic heroine and even donned a homely K Mart style sweater for the interview. As a true professional she gained three pounds to look more Utah. Her dictated puff piece is as transparent as her recent IMDB credits, as she spins her boring life into a triumph over the evils of employment:

I felt like my priorities were messed up. I was putting so much time and energy into just my work, but I was raised that family comes first…We had big dreams of expanding our family, moving to the mountains and having a quieter life. Utah is spectacularly beautiful, the people are wonderful and kind, it’s an easy commute from L.A. – and there’s no traffic.”

There is no traffic in Utah because everybody who owns a car there drove to live in another state. But I’m sure they do have the Internet so Heigl can shop for family extensions online. The mountain life is different than living on the coast, so she’s going to want to find some babies from the Steppes or Rural Hinterlands who have genetic traits suited for foraging, chopping, and packing on fat with just a simple berries and bark diet. Also, they shouldn’t talk much. You can’t have the quiet life if the helper kids are yapping in their various foreign tongues about conditions in the sleeping shed.

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