Kim Kardashian Is One Of Us

Ughhhh my hips and butt are huge now! They were big to begin with.

Women have long employed self-effacing criticism as the primary means of introduction. It’s a social bonding precursor. I’m fat. I hate myself. Therefore, I’m lovable and won’t fuck your man so invite me to your coffee klatch. Somebody on Kim’s paid social media team figured this dynamic out recently and started Tweeting every-woman posts about needing to lose twenty pounds and how her ass was too huge even though she controls the precise size of her dumpster through fat injections and nanorobotics. Naturally, Kim’s sympathetic I’m the Fantine friendly kind of whore public persona worked. If Satan stormed up from Hades and announced he can’t find a bikini that fits and he’s got cramps he’s immediately have 5,000 retweets.

OK no more tweeting and procrastinating! LOL Glad some of u moms can relate. I’m reading the comments! For real….of to the gym! …Wish me luck on the dieting…it’s soooo hard for me!”

LOL indeed, Kim Kardashian social media team. Nanorobotics are cool. But science won’t mean anything until I can reach through my Twitter feed and bitch slap people soooo they feel it.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash