Steve Ballmer introduced himself today as the next billionaire owner of the Clippers at the team fan fest, that annual NBA event where you get to see your favorite NBA players sitting in chairs. Ballmer was received with rousing ovation. After Donald Sterling, the ghost of Jeffrey Dahmer could’ve walked in as the new owner and been back-slapped by everybody in Staples.
Ballmer is known for being the fat bald co-founder at Microsoft who screams and sweats profusely and runs around like a cheer captain at all the Microsoft company wide events. He came out to greet the Clippers fans to the tune of Eminem’s Lose Yourself then took the stage and yelled like Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker, training the crowd to chant ‘I Love Larry!’ while he walked through his impressive business career wins. Nobody gave a shit what kind of self-aggrandizing lard ass they inherited. After 30 years of Sterling, Ballmer could’ve started kicking kids in their privates and laughing hysterically and the crowd would’ve laughed right along. He owns Los Angeles, until the Clippers first loss, then everybody will fucking hate him.