Sylvester Stallone Confirms Doubts

Sylvester Stallone opened up about his dwindling male fan base while promoting Expendables 3. Stallone has seen the market for homoerotic bromance shrink in the past years as POV gay pornography has become readily available online. He is apparently confusing a general weariness of his monotone acting with a collective threat to masculinity, which is weird because he looks like Juliette Binoche.

“Men are very competitive, they go, ‘Who’s that? I’m sure he takes diuretic steroids, you know, he’s shorter than he looks’…It’s good to jump around but to get other men to like you, it’s very difficult. Men are kind of stand-offish that way.”

Stallone did not deny taking steroids because his face would have turned even more blush. He also has a pretty solid command of steroid terminology, suggesting a strong familiarity with the product, if not a licensed importer exporter. I have nothing against Stallone. Like all real men, I liked the first couple of Rocky movies and the first two Rambos. But I do have a hard time relating to him because at no point do I expect to become a sixty year old Italian woman with striated biceps.

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