True Blood Tool Likes True Blood

Jim Parrack plays a nerd called Hoyt Fortenberry on True Blood, but he wants you to think he is super gothic in real life because he claims to like drinking real human blood. The odds of somebody on a vampire show actually being a vampire are roughly the same as Ben Affleck jumping off of a tall building in a rubber nipple suit and landing safely on the ground. Parrack gives his supposedly psychotic habit an erotic bent, which happens to be the exact fucking theme of True Blood. Parrack goes out of his way to convince you of his blood drinking the same way you lied about fingering your prom date:

“I just want to be clear… I was being literal… I like the real deal… I like the way it tastes.”

When asked why he enjoys drinking human blood Parrack’s explanation revealed him to be an actor with too much time on his hands, but not enough time to fine tune his attempt at edginess:

“I guess for the same reason some people want alcohol? Or, for the same reason some people want, I don’t know … milk? Or Kool Aid.”

Spinning a lie is tough. When claiming to participate in hard core fringe behavior you should never rationalize it as being normal. No punk rock fan ever says they’re favorite band is like Taylor Swift for people who like Taylor Swift. It really just betrays the fact that you are a boring dude who drinks Kool Aid and freaks out when you have to sleep in the wet spot. Also, nobody is ever going to cast you in a show about bomb defusers.

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