A woman who decapitates her boobs because of possible future cancer isn’t the kind of woman that waits around for shit. After just twelve years of making, extricating, and PayPal-ing for babies with Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie decided to get hitched. They were running that line for a while about how they couldn’t get married until all the gay people in the world had the same right. Also, until Taco Bell started serving breakfast. The two signs of a progressive society. Without being able to find any more excuses, the couple vowed to love honor and cherish each other, mother earth, and the subjugated tribes of the Southern Sudan. Angelina wore a bridal gown decorated with art work from her seventeen or so children. It was sort of like a congratulations, you’re no longer blended family bastards, now gimme your crayon drawings. Some were happy family drawings, some rainbows and sunshine, but the troubled one from Southeast Asia brought down the mood with his Killing Fields depiction. Congratulations to the newlyweds for at least not putting naked photos of themselves on iCloud.
Photo Credit: Hello! and People