Brittany Mason Is the Right Kind of Pageant Winner

The only two times I pay attention to the phrase ‘former beauty pageant winner’ is when it’s followed by the word ‘topless’. I guess ‘shot into space’ I’d probably also click. ‘Shot into space topless’ I’d definitely click. I hate to objectify attractive women, it’s just really really hard not to. Kate Upton demanded she not be treated as a sex symbol only for us to discover she’s dancing naked and teasing Cy Young cock on camera in her apartment. I shouldn’t have seen that, but I did, now I can’t help but think about Kate Upton as a 5’9″ tall vagina. I’d like to believe that all attractive women aren’t spending their days fondling their tits in the shower and making out with their equally hot friends while shopping for lingerie, but I truly think they are. Sometimes all guys who drive Porsches do have small dicks. We wouldn’t call them baseless stereotypes if they weren’t true.

Photo Credit: Josh Ryan, Photographer