DMV Don’t Play the Crying Game

By Lex September 03, 2014 @ 1:56 PM


Besides uniting people from nations without indoor plumbing for a an afternoon of waiting in lines, the DMV is really good with rules. One of those rules is, you can’t wear shit on your face when taking your DMV photo. The cops need to match your photo to your face. You can’t wear glasses, excessive makeup, Groucho Marx mustaches, or Justin Verlander’s sperm. Sorry, Kate Upton.¬†Now, the immovable rock that is DMV rules and regulations is up against the unstoppable force that is gender identification rights.

Chase Culpepper says he’s gender non-conforming. I don’t know what that means, but it sounds impressive. Like most teenagers today, Chase has grown up believing that the world should conform to him as opposed to the other way around. The Greatest Tranny Generation. The DMV made Chase remove all his female accoutrements for his photo. Because them’s the rules. Now Chase is suing with the help of some transgender rights legal groups.

I left the DMV feeling humiliated. I want to be myself and have a driver’s license photo that reflects that.

We’ve come a long way from boys donning slips in their shame closets in fear for their lives to every indulged teen suing the DMV because they wouldn’t let him look like one of the Designing Women on his license photo.¬†Millions of people every year are asked to remove shit for their DMV photos, But Chase is the special flower who must be served.

You want to be yourself? Head to Aaron Brothers and craft yourself up the most darling dummy driver’s license ever. Then use it in your fake car around your yard while your parents make honking and beeping noises. Everybody else on the public roads had to follow the fucking rules. I just got a ticket making a right turn on a red when not another living soul was within five miles. Welcome to adulthood, Chase.

(5) Comments

  1. avatar
    658811 09/04/2014 03:21

    And they wonder why I have trust issues…

  2. avatar
    Beylerbey 09/04/2014 09:26

    The government brings this on itself. Every single time.

  3. avatar
    Shastar 09/04/2014 13:03

    I’d let him blow me…

  4. avatar
    658811 09/04/2014 14:35

    ^He probably charges just a tenner too.

  5. avatar
    Admiral 09/04/2014 19:32

    I went to the DMV just today. What a sad, depressing place that was. All the employees looked like they had radiation poisoning and all those in line looked like some AM radio station put out the word there was going to be free hot dogs thrown on the street so come and get ‘em!

You must be to post a comment.