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September 30, 2014 | WTF | matt-ralston | 0 Comments
Shell Roush writes a hard hitting blog featuring such titles as “Why I Wear Pajamas To School Drop Off.” She recently revealed she is delaying enrolling her kid into kindergarten for a year because of what she believes are new rigorous school standards of reading and potty training. Allowing her kid an extra year to develop his brain by watching cartoons and listening to Roush’s vaccine hysteria will insure he is able to keep up with the sing alongs and also have a fire hose his classmates find impressive.
It’s unclear if Roush’s kid is just slow and she can’t admit it, but the odds don’t look good he’ll be curing cancer or even winning any spelling bees with chest hair sticking out of his polo. Look for this to become a trend. Frantic parents are now looking for anything to give their kid a competitive edge outside of teaching them shit. I would have loved to be 21 years old my senior year of high school, statutory assaulting all the sophomore chicks after plying them with Boon’s Farm while holding down an assistant manager job across town at the Target. Don’t jump the gun lady, this kid should probably chill at home for a few more years until he can construct a Lego house with a second floor that doesn’t collapse every time he giggles and takes a dump on it in the playroom.
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