New York Mayor Killed the Beaver (VIDEO)

Nobody should ever be cursed with the free time to follow the insipid ceremonial antics of politicians. That means you’ve got time to watch The View and count calories and knit shit for your small BBW sister who found a foreigner to knock her up. Last February New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio dropped Chuck, the groundhog from the Staten Island zoo, during one of those inane Groundhog’s Day day events. I can’t blame the rodent for not wanting to be part of some tired tradition of lifting its ass out of a fake stump each February 2nd and declaring the city will fuck up snow removal for six more weeks. Unbeknownst to the world at large and wide-eyed innocent children, this groundhog died a week later from ‘internal injuries’. Zoo officials immediately did what all government employees do when something goes wrong, they initiated an ill-conceived coverup. Excuses were invented, secret oaths were taken, and a small number of loose lipped zoo keepers were taken out to a landfill in Jersey to go visit Chuck in groundhog heaven.

When the New York Post informed the Mayor’s office this week of the groundhog’s death, the staff responded by saying they were never told the groundhog died, they’re very sorry it happened but, c’mon, it’s just a fucking rodent, and, yes, once again, we acknowledge that the Mayor’s wife is a lesbian. That last part has just become de facto. No harm no foul I guess, unless you’re the unfortunate zoo animal who bled out slowly and painfully to death because of some annual political stunt. I only wish we had a radical animal rights protection group to get naked and throw blood on the mayor or something. C’mon, Pam Anderson. It’s righteous titties time.