Nick Cannon Lets Shoes Do The Talking

Nick Cannon is rocking a pair of $2million dollar diamond studded shoes on America’s Got Talent, because aside from talent, America’s also got serious issues with consumerism. This stunt gives your average low physical activity viewer a chance to marvel at how truly happy Cannon must be with his leased props as they ignore their former loved ones and stuff refrigerated Taco Bell Crunchwraps into their gobs. The shoes are actually some of Cannon’s best material. Some entertainers garner attention by breaking down societal barriers or pushing the boundaries of censorship. Cannon’s attempt at edginess will feature him still being utterly boring but wearing some shoes featuring blood diamonds and an extremely obnoxious gay guy glued to some other shoes. It’s a fitting tribute to America, as viewers soak up the shiny shoes and Pizza Hut ads while being hypnotized into listening to Cannon’s contrite teleprompter reciting. Putting an evening gown on a Port Authority crack whore does not make her a respectable date, and these shoes to not obscure the fact that Nick Cannon is so mindblowingly uninteresting that million dollar shoes or suicide are the only two reasons he might be talked about.

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