Charlie Sheen Is Lawsuit Prone

Charlie Sheen is being sued by a dental assistant who he maybe grabbed her tits and told her he was  going to fucking kill her. She says Sheen was high on crack, which he says is ridiculous because crack is such a catchall term used by laymen who don’t understand the various rock cocaine options like he does. Sheen claims he was merely on a bunch of prescription drugs for a shoulder injury, which he most likely injured while high on crack and grabbing other girls tits and threatening to kill them. She alleges Sheen grabbed her breast, tried to pull off her bra, stabbed the shit out of the dentist chair and came at someone else with a knife. I’m no Columbo, but we might want to check out that chair. If it looks like tenderized chuck steak there might be a problem. Sheen’s lawyer, Marty Singer, says the suit is ridiculous and the assistant is:

“An opportunist looking to make her fifteen minutes of fame”

Yes because fuck American Idol, everyone wants to be known as the person who got assaulted at work by Charlie Sheen. We will probably never know what really happened because Sheen’s lawyers will settle this case immediately, lest it go to trial and Charlie Sheen’s closet full of coked up Malaysian hooker skeletons come tumbling out. I’ll take a guess at $75,000 and a new dental chair delivered on the down low.

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