Drake Better Than The Beatles

In stunning confirmation of Satan’s plan to unleash mediocre hacks onto earth to diminish our cultural standards, Drake surpassed The Beatles in number of Top 100 hits. Few over the age of fourteen would argue with a straight face that Drake’s talent comes remotely close to any single Beatle outside of Ringo, or that any of his songs are particularly good. This leads to one conclusion: stupid people like bad shit. The Bad Shit Theory can be proven further when you note that the cast of Glee’s flitty watered down bullshit song covers have attainted nearly three times as many top hits as The Beatles.

A lot of this probably has to do with pussified new age parents who haven’t seen an R rated movie since they had a sex life yet can quote the entire Curious George series on cue. In a quest to mold their children into dull assholes, they shower their kids with Drake CDs and Justin Bieber posters while bragging at PTA meetings how their kids are gifted ever since the state made it illegal to test for IQ distinctions. Adults used to rule this country since they were smarter and had all the money. Power has now shifted to pre pubescent entitled jerks and their former Nickelodeon star lip synching ratchety idols. Anyone looking to protest should hit up a brick and mortar video store for some VHS porn, throw it on the dash of your airbagless Mustang, and hang out in the mall parking lot smoking cigarettes and blaring Metallica. Take back the streets.

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